new blog

new blog. kind of out grew the other one. eh maybe not. it's just been too long and i feel funny going back. does that make sense? i feel that way about a lot of things i guess. i also feel pressure all up in my face and nasal passages. PRESSURE from all angles. can't deal.

well it's 2010. and has been for a while. i just wanted to write because i had an interesting dream(s) last night. one took me by surprise more than the other ones because i knew it was a dream while i was there. i went to kiss this guy and he pulled away and i told him that this was my dream and i'll do what i want. haha first lucid dream i actually consciously chose to take control of? idk. also in a separate dream i saw myself in a mirror which is weird bc i've never really looked in a mirror in a dream but the thing was it wasn't me...it was me dressed up because it was an interesting futuristic movie interaction. i would explain more but i am late as always. but late for something that didn't have a specific set time. skipping class today. ayyyyy. also ithaca this weekend for flaming lips. GUNNA BE NUTZ

Gosh, i'm tired. I'm sitting in my class listening to some strange plane crash analysis...for intercultural communication? I don't really understand why. I arrived a minute late so maybe i missed the big significance.

I slept 3 and a half hours last night. Doing some stupid paper that apparently i could have finished today. I'm kinda mad at myself. I felt so sick when i woke up. I'm feeling better now but idk. I'm probably going to crash later tonight, which sucks because there's this meteor shower which is supposed to be fantastic. So i'm going to rowan for it and michelle, andrew, brett maybe madden are joining. i hope i'm not a grumpy bitch. lalala prob not.

i'm talking to lella online!!! have not spoken to her in over a year. very nuts. i think about her time to time though. she's a good person. :) this is a stupid post. i just felt like killing time.

dreams, nightmares you know

Oh how i've missed this. I've been so busy. Even now I have so much to do i feel guilty writing in it for pleasure when writing for grade is being terribly neglected. More so than i ever have neglected. I don't turn things in late. I like being prepared. I used to be a much more conscientious student. Oh well. I guess things change. I actually have a lot of things to write about but eh i guess i can't really write what i want in here anymore. Much too public to be used as a diary type thing.

Anyways. I've been having a lot of dreams lately. Well i know you always have dreams but i mean the ones where i remember. One was me and michelle just hanging out and it was the day of bonnaroo and we both decided to buy tickets and go super last minute. It was so exciting and so much fun. Hahah, in my dreams is right. And the second dream was terrifying and so realistic. It was weird and started with me driving on some weird road talking on the phone to my mom and she was asking me to pick up taryn, brett's friend from howell, cuz she was on my way to my grandma's house. Very odd. And i was driving on this road and it was so eerie and isolated and then the road is like flooded with old toys of mine and shit. And then i'm just back in my house still talking to my mom on the phone. And my house actually looked exactly like my house which is a rarity in dreams and I was in my dining room with a sliding glass door and i see some man outside walking on top of my picnic table on my porch thing. And i'm like mom there's a man outside. And i just kinda hide a little and peak my head out cause for some silly reason i think he might just be passing through and if he doesn't see me then he won't come here. But no he opens my door with a wire hanger? and my dad is sleeping in his room and my hand with the phone in it just falls to my side. I try to scream but nothing comes out. So he walks in and is standing a foot away from my face while i hear my mom down at my side saying "nicole! are you okay?!" and i just look into his eyes and i've never been so scared. and i was just thinking, this is it, i'm going to get raped and die right now. and i awoke because my heart was beating way too fast and god, it was just so clear and real. and i had never felt so helpless in my life. and what really scared me was that i'm pretty sure that's what would happen. i think i would freeze in a situation like that, paralyzed with not knowing what to do. ugh. so awful.


i started writing this post like weeeeeeeeks ago when i had these dreams but it's been saved as a draft for a while so i thought i might as well finish it. i should be doing so much work right now. but this didn't take too long and breaks are nice. i guess i should get back. i want to write about other things that have been going on in my life as of late but i'll save that for another post. la de da. thinking about that nightmare just made me really uneasy again. i don't like it.

i make poor decisions

boyz 'n stuff

Boys are so cute sometimes. I can't stand it. I saw the cutest boy today after i did the radio show, him and his friend were standing in for their friend's show that's normally after the one i did. HE WAS TEH CUTEST! I touched his head accidentally when he was plugging something in when we were finishing up and then i said sorry and tossled his hair again just cause i couldn't help touching. I felt very stupid. I was like uhh sorry you don't know me and i'm touching your head. He was so pretty. I am so awkward.

So the radio show was pretty fun. Tehila listened! It was exciting. We had a nicole vs nicole segment cause the co-host's name was nicole also. And she was really cool and mentioned how she was gonna do a show by herself next semester and said i'm welcome to do it with her and ahhhhh it'd be awesome. We'd have the nicole, nicole thing going for us. Adorable. I'm on hold with friday's back at home now. They better not fuck me over like Damon's did or all those kinda restaurant chains are going down. Well Damon's were jerks to me and now they're going out of business. I may or may not have had anything to do with that. So don't say i didn't warn you.

sometimes

i like crying at times. it's a nice[kinda?] reminder of how we feel. more people definitely need to cry more often. they need that reminder way more than i do. times are strange. but maybe they aren't, and things prior have been strange. we'll never know. i don't know if i can do this anymore.

i think i have a fever. i feel...feverish. and achey all over.



Our heads, our hands, our brains, our lungs: they're just machines.


i refuse to believe that.