sigh of relief?

I don't know what's been going on lately. This constantly having something to do and never finishing everything is leaving me hollow. It is exhausting and never satisfying. I lost my internet connection this week because i'm a fool and downloaded too much outside of the rutgers network. Oh well, such is life. Right now, I sit at my little cubicle of a desk at work and pretend that i'm doing what i'm supposed to be. What a faker i am. This is a much more constructive use of my time in my opinion though. I need to fucking take a moment out of this week and just sit and write. I guess a lot's been going on. Just haven't had time to process it all. Friday i went on a pretty crazy trip. I was so looking foreward to it and excited about it being a beautiful day but then Michelle was crying and I was just doing a lot of observing because I felt like i had nothing to say that really held any real meaning. And it just got increasingly sadder how we can never understand each other. Yes, we say we understand but there's no possible way to be sure all of our life is lived subjectively. And just lonliness in general. I cried because i have these wonderful people in my life and there are so many people out there who have no one. No family, no friends, nothing. It was all very draining. And then i didn't even get to see the fireworks i was so looking foreward to. But i saw eric kopp, that was nice. I really wanna visit ithaca so bad. I feel like i'd love it. Ugh still so much work to do. End not in sight. Oh well. And i completely got ahead of myself last post. I'm embarrassed i even wrote about it. And now i see that all these people have blogs?? That's cool though. I'm glad i think it's a great way to stay in each other's lives.

So frankie officially got in to Rowan. Woooo frankie, i knew he would. I told him congrats last night and he was like i miss everyone already. :( It'll be okay though. I'm looking foreward to winter break. Fast forewarddd. Time's a scary thing.

he loved my feet, i loved his hands

Well i was going to start this blog last night around 2am and i had a lot to say about who knows what anymore. Yesterday was not at all what i was anticipating. I was very looking foreward to it because it was my grandma's birthday and we were gonna go out to eat and we never go out to eat. But then my grandma wasn't feeling well so we just chilled at her house and ordered pizza which wasn't too bad but disappointing none the less. Then after that I went home and chilled with my family, cut my sister's hair, showered, and watched 21 finally. Jim Sturgess, so sexy. I ended up driving back to rutgers around 1 which was super late because i thought i was going to hang out with paul and dan and rebecca and them but yeah. So i get back here and i was told i was going to get a call which i did get eventually but around two thirty haha. But i'm glad to say it was worth the wait. I haven't seen paul since Chris Beears' party which was like over two months ago. But yeah, we hung out, his arms around me. I met his friends from ireland who were pretty awesome, and we watched across the universe. During the movie he played with my ear and kissed my forehead, my nose. And after a little we both just looked at each other and was like hm, i don't know anything about you. So we discussed nationalities, favorite colors, shoe size hah stuff along those lines. I'm totally blanking but i think he said his mom is Brazilian and she speaks portuguese and he can speak a little, so naturally i told him to say something to me. And he did and it was great and he didn't want to tell me what it translated to but then he did. He had called me beautiful. Around six o'clock we decided to come back to my apartment for reasons i'm not too sure about but i guess just to see the place and talk more. So he came back and i made him a cup of coffee and we talked about school, life, our dreams and stuff like that. We even danced in my kitchen a little. He had to go back to rebecca's apartment though because they were all leaving at nine to take their Irish friends to the airport and stuff. It was sad to see him go. I told him to live with me, haha we hardly know each other, this is the first day we actually spoke and stuff. I feel silly how my heart's ballooning when i think about this. That's kind of a dumb way to put it "ballooning" but it describes the feeling perfectly; it's expanding in my chest.