dreams, nightmares you know

Oh how i've missed this. I've been so busy. Even now I have so much to do i feel guilty writing in it for pleasure when writing for grade is being terribly neglected. More so than i ever have neglected. I don't turn things in late. I like being prepared. I used to be a much more conscientious student. Oh well. I guess things change. I actually have a lot of things to write about but eh i guess i can't really write what i want in here anymore. Much too public to be used as a diary type thing.

Anyways. I've been having a lot of dreams lately. Well i know you always have dreams but i mean the ones where i remember. One was me and michelle just hanging out and it was the day of bonnaroo and we both decided to buy tickets and go super last minute. It was so exciting and so much fun. Hahah, in my dreams is right. And the second dream was terrifying and so realistic. It was weird and started with me driving on some weird road talking on the phone to my mom and she was asking me to pick up taryn, brett's friend from howell, cuz she was on my way to my grandma's house. Very odd. And i was driving on this road and it was so eerie and isolated and then the road is like flooded with old toys of mine and shit. And then i'm just back in my house still talking to my mom on the phone. And my house actually looked exactly like my house which is a rarity in dreams and I was in my dining room with a sliding glass door and i see some man outside walking on top of my picnic table on my porch thing. And i'm like mom there's a man outside. And i just kinda hide a little and peak my head out cause for some silly reason i think he might just be passing through and if he doesn't see me then he won't come here. But no he opens my door with a wire hanger? and my dad is sleeping in his room and my hand with the phone in it just falls to my side. I try to scream but nothing comes out. So he walks in and is standing a foot away from my face while i hear my mom down at my side saying "nicole! are you okay?!" and i just look into his eyes and i've never been so scared. and i was just thinking, this is it, i'm going to get raped and die right now. and i awoke because my heart was beating way too fast and god, it was just so clear and real. and i had never felt so helpless in my life. and what really scared me was that i'm pretty sure that's what would happen. i think i would freeze in a situation like that, paralyzed with not knowing what to do. ugh. so awful.


i started writing this post like weeeeeeeeks ago when i had these dreams but it's been saved as a draft for a while so i thought i might as well finish it. i should be doing so much work right now. but this didn't take too long and breaks are nice. i guess i should get back. i want to write about other things that have been going on in my life as of late but i'll save that for another post. la de da. thinking about that nightmare just made me really uneasy again. i don't like it.